Thursday, February 12, 2009

More than Typos (Vol. 1)

This is a collection from signposts/boards, handbills, stickers, billboards, banners, adverts, newspapers, magazines etc. acquired in recent times cutting across all sorts of people, events, vehicles and places. These are more than typographical errors. It highlights the folly of having little or no education, neglecting or not paying attention to details.

I’d have complemented them with appropriate photographs but a not-too-toothsome experience of almost being lynched sometime ago taught me photography-oriented reporting genre might be a mission only for the felo-de-se. You need to be a sharpie particularly on Nigeria streets. A friend of mine was once assailed by a policeman during his stint (actually, more of a stunt) as a street diarist. What he (my friend) lost in his camera he gained in a black eye. Let me spare you the details. Enjoy
“More than Typos”, the first in the series.

“COLD ICE WATER AVAILABLE HERE.” Thanks, but I need hot ice water.

“Because He Leave, I Can Face Tomorrow.” What happens if he stay(s)?

“**** Nursary and Primary School.” I bet you don’t wanna send your kid there.

“2006: My Year of Supernatural Brakethroughs.” Surely, you’ll need a load of brake pads.

“WELLCOME” Boldly written on a massive doormat at the entrance of a bank!

“Horn B/F Overtaken.” I’m speechless.

“Awelewa Food Canteen. We Sell Rice and Bins….” It couldn’t be served better.

“The God of Impossibilities Ministries.” What a G(?)od!

“We Are Specialise In All Kind Of Japanese Car Like Toyota, Mustubushi And Others.” Also tells you what we can do to your vehicle.

“TO THE CONVINIENCE” Found in an eatery. But I think Microsoft Word spelling check still works.

“VEHICLES ARE PACKED AT OWNER’S RISK.” Where are they sent to?

“NO KING HAS GOD.” Indeed!

“Bye Your Recharge Cards Here.” Goodbye, recharge cards!

“Remember Sixth Feet.” Should I forget the fifth one?

“ALL VISITOR ARE TO COLLECT GATE PASS.” Hmmm! The multiplicity of one – all in one.

“Make Piece With God.” How many?


“Your Heeling Awaits You.” That’s a place to avoid.

“VULGANISER. POMP UR TIRE HERE.” I dare you to “vulganise” and “pomp”.

“I Shall Live In Abundance Prosperity.” Choose one.

“BARB YOUR HERE HAIR.” This is my favourite! The sign writer must either be confused, absent-minded or both!


“BUY YOUR ICED BLOCK HERE.” I never knew (brick or sandcrete) blocks are iced for sale.

“Recharge Your Cards.” What would I do with my phone line?

“BUY YOUR FROZEN CHICKEN AND TORKEY. WE SELL IN KILOS.” Torkey? You also sell that in kilos?

“FOR SELL” This was a plaque placed on top of a car.


“Hajj Know One Knows Tomorrow.” Figure that out.

“Original Spear Parts Available” Sorry, I need dagger parts.

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