Monday, March 03, 2008

The Pangs of Guilt

Timeline: Saturday 1st March 2008, 1708 hours
Location: On my bed, somewhere in the quiet small village of Ikpetim, southern Nigeria.

I just had a short knap after having a stint of work at the site office writing my weekly report. I closed early from work today not necessarily because it is a weekend but my colleague had not been feeling too well. Hence, we decided to retire early so everyone could ‘hibernate’.

I woke up from a bad dream which really terrified me (details of which I’d like to keep private). It’s been long I had a siesta not to mention dreaming! After taking sometime to ease my mind off the memories from my journey into the ‘land of the subconscious’, I decided to do something constructive with the remaining part of the afternoon.

It’s been five days I resumed work here and over a year I updated my blog. My mind kept going to an issue I’ve tried avoiding for almost a year – updating my blog! Each time I thought of this abandoned task, great pangs of guilt seize my heart. I felt so much guilt for the death of many thoughts, ideas and unwritten articles that never found their way to the pages of this blog within the last 9 months. Well, I could aver I’d been busy but I can’t but ask myself – “What about those short spare times?” The pangs won’t go when I also remember a couple of individuals I had spurred on to start a blog and how well they’ve fared with this duty. I can’t imagine the disappointment they might have felt each time they tried to look up my blog to read nothing but musty – “What’s the use of visiting a news stand where all you get is stale?” I cast my mind back to the mails and phone calls I received from friends and colleagues in the past requesting I update my blog. The frequencies of these have reduced over time i.e. if there are even any more of them.

I scrolled down to a similar “bounce back” article I wrote when this same blog was “off air” for a period of time (see Bouncing Back ). It read familiar. Albeit, I decided to let these pangs of guilt to resuscitate my dying blog rather than knock me down completely. It’s better late than never. To a lot of individuals I’ve let down by not updating this column I offer my apologies. To a lot more that have stopped visiting this once vibrant news stand I say, the long-awaited change has come!

I’m bouncing back and this time around I’m bouncing back to stay!

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